I have been wanting to write this to you for quite some time. After hearing your voice tonight I finally knew how to formulate this in some type of word-fashion. I know that eventually in time you will be able to understand this. And in time you’ll understand the things I have done. I don’t expect you to fully understand it now. At the age of three I know the only things you care about are Sponge Bob and what type of candy you are going to eat today.
I wanted to let you know that Daddy hasn’t fallen out of an airplane. Sometimes as adults we forget about things that are suppose to be the most important things to us. I haven’t forgotten about you, my Son. I never will. But Daddy has been going through some things that maybe you’ll understand. Maybe you won’t.
When your mother told me you would probably be moving away I have to say it threw me for a loop. At the time she told me I was struggling trying to find something stable. See, Daddy lost his job a few months back. And Daddy was on the verge of losing everything. And because of that I forgot what should’ve been what was really important at that time. And that was you. In an age when the only thing that seems to be important is material goods, what you have and who you are sleeping with, I realize that you are the only thing that is important. I know I haven’t shown you that lately but it is true. When I heard your voice this evening it put tears in my eyes because all I wanted to do was hug you and kiss you. I love you very much, Son, and no matter what Daddy does I don’t want you to forget that.
You have a wonderful and loving mother. Through the struggles and fights we have had I never have forgotten how all she wanted (and still wants) is for me to be in your life. I have to say you are very lucky to have a mother like her. She is a very, very strong woman. A lot of women in this situation would be bitter and uncaring. But not her. She realizes that the only way her son will have an identity is if I am in your life. No matter how messed up I make things or when things get tough I disappear she always finds me, kicks me in my teeth and says “be a man.” The more your mother and I are apart, I see the reason why I truly cared about her and still do. I know all she wants is the best for you. I don’t ever want you to believe anything different.
In all of this rambling and not making sense whatI really want to say is, I am sorry. I am sorry for not thinking of you at the time when I should have been thinking of you the most. I am sorry for hearing your words but not “listening” to them. I am sorry for allowing my pride to get in the way of what we should share with each other. In this world of “singleparenthood” I know I have the opportunity to beat all odds. And not be the “dead beat” dad that society likes to place on us. In this world where we are trying to find unconditional love in another person, how soon do we forget that in our children we already have unconditional love. And I know you have that for me. I know you don’t care if Daddy is broke or is desolate. All you care about is if I am still alive and not on airplanes and if I still love you. Son, always remember that no matter how many stupid things I do, I will always love you…unconditionally.
Believe it or not I think of you every single day…almost every single hour. I have no choice. Your pictures are all over my office at work and at home. All of the passwords I have at my job have your name in it. I have no choice but to think of you. In this struggle of “tryin to be a man” I will never forget how your mother only needed one and a half pushes to bring you on this earth. I will always love your mother. I love her because she gave me the biggest gift any man could ask for.
She gave me the gift of you.
I am not going to give you any broken promises. And I cannot turn back the hands of time. If I could I would do everything totally different. All I can do is tell you I will try very hard to be a good father. I know you need me. Your mother says you cry out for me. “No matter who I am with he will always remember that you are his father” she says. I know I can’t be replaced. So how selfish and arrogant of me to think that you can’t have all of me. I know that you will.
Because you deserve it.
Love always,
Daddy
Do you like this post? Luv spends a lot of time in the middle of the night researching and writing about how to put LOVE back in the lives of many. He needs to be able to stay up at night. His favorite is a Venti Caramel Latte with whipped cream.
