Looking back at previous posts I wanted to see if I could find some inspiration for this writers’ block. I ran across I post I did a while back. The day after this past Thanksgiving was the fourth anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. This is the third time I’ve reposted this blog. So it may skip around a little. But you’ll get the picture. As far as reposting it again…it never gets old. To be honest, next year at this time I’m going to repost it again. And the year after that. And the year after that.

RIP Grandma
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Dear Sweetheart,

I know I have written a couple of letters to you. This will be the very last one. I am becoming weary of my search for you. As I look around me as I type this letter, my home is empty. It is empty of your presence. I know as you read this letter you feel the exact same way as I do.

There have been a couple of people who have written back to me. They have answered to YOUR letter. I know you have wanted to answer me for quite some time but you didn’t know how to formulate the words. Or you just didn’t know I existed. Well I do exist.

You STILL have not taken the time to write back to me. Why do we keep missing each other? Is it because I work seventy hour weeks? Or is it because I am not taking the time to seek you out? Whatever the issue is…we are not together right now. I know once we are with one another it would be heavenly.

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You know it isn’t often that I come to you. But because of the recent events that have came in my life I wanted to know if you can give me a few answers.

As you know I have discovered what spiritual gifts means. You have shown me a couple of things that have made me realized that I am a gifted individual. I have to admit once I made this discovery I was scared. I also felt as if I was unworthy. I mean…you know of all of my transgressions in my past. Why me? Why have You chosen me to walk in the path You are trying to get me to see? And why am I being so stubborn and just succumb to Your will? To be honest with You I am scared. I am scared that I won’t be able to fulfill everything You place in front of me. I am scared that I will fall very very very short of Your glory.

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This will be the hardest letter I will ever write. As you read this I wanted to let you know I am not mad at you. I am disappointed. It has been 25 years since I have seen you. When you first left when I was twelve years-old, I figured one day you would come back. You never did. So as I sit here writing this to you I want an answer to one question. Why?

Don’t give me the excuse that you couldn’t get along with Mom. I figured that if you loved me and you cared about me, no one should get in the way of a father’s love. Or did you love any of us? See, when Mom left and we stayed at her friend’s house, when you came by you were supposed to reclaim your family.

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I have been wanting to write this to you for quite some time. After hearing your voice tonight I finally knew how to formulate this in some type of word-fashion. I know that eventually in time you will be able to understand this. And in time you’ll understand the things I have done. I don’t expect you to fully understand it now. At the age of three I know the only things you care about are Sponge Bob and what type of candy you are going to eat today.

I wanted to let you know that Daddy hasn’t fallen out of an airplane. Sometimes as adults we forget about things that are suppose to be the most important things to us. I haven’t forgotten about you, my Son. I never will. But Daddy has been going through some things that maybe you’ll understand. Maybe you won’t.

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